Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
