how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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