I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
