just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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