You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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