She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
