just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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