Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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