Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
