Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
