So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize