Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
