party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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