I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
