also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
