I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
