we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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