my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize