i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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