Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
