when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
