you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
