i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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