Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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