Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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