there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
