ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
