I can text with my tongue
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
