I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
