if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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