Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I AM VODKA MAN
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I supernannyed him into submission
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
