i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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