sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
