i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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