Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
