I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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