ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
