I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize