dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
