Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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