Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
