i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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