and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
