My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
