My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
