There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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