She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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