I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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