my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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