You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
