are you so shy because you have an std?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
