Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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