my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
