i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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