Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
