Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
