I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I could fuck to npr.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
