Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She announced her abortion via fbk
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
