i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i came on her dog
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
