what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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