You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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