i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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