This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
