Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
