How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
