The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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