you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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