Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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