What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
