Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize